Updates on Lorelei and Paedn

I am two days shy of 38 weeks! Once again, it is so weird to think about having a baby. I am not as scared as I was nine months ago. I am not as crazy anxious anymore either. I feel at peace. I am excited to meet her, to see how Paedn interacts with her. It is so strange to think that yes, she could actually be joining our family tomorrow (but don't get your hopes up!) I had another doctor's appointment today. I am still dilated to 1, about 70-80% effaced, and the baby's position is -2. The doctor said I am progressing nicely for a first time mommy! My belly is measuring small so the doctor ended up ordering an ultrasound for me. She said it is most likely because the baby has dropped but she just wants to double check everything. I am waiting for that phone call to schedule it! I am kind of excited to have another one. When I had one a few weeks ago, I was too blind with emotion (and tears) to truly enjoy watching the ultrasound and seeing her up on the screen. I am grateful I get another chance to see her before she is born just to make sure she is ok. My doctor said that there is a chance that I will have the baby before I even get the ultrasound though! That is a strange thought. I am excited to finally have her here in my arms; to be able to hold the little lady who is been using my body as a fun house these past nine months. 
Lorelei is definitely growing. Paedn had a chance to feel her hiccups again. It has probably been close to a month since he has been around at the same time as she has been hiccuping, even though she would hiccup five times a day! Usually, I have to find the exact spot and place his hand there so he could feel the little bounces, but the other night, I grabbed his hand and just placed it on my tummy and he's like, "Whoa! She is getting huge. Her hiccups are everywhere." I just smiled and thought, yes, now my whole belly bounces with any sort of movement she does! I even feel her little body bouncing with each hiccup. Last night she was stretching and moving a lot and I has able to feel her little foot and leg and then her arm! You could actually grab the sides of them while she was stretching out. It is crazy. Luckily, Paedn was right by me and I showed him where to feel. This kind of freaked him out a little bit. But, I agree! It is really odd that there is a baby in there and you could actually feel her body. So, so odd!
My next appointment is next Tuesday... April 24... the day I am wanting to have Lorelei. Oh goodness! Let's hope something progresses. I really want my little girl and Grandpa to share the same birthday. 


My Little Vent
I am getting to that stage where I am like, ok..any day now... I am kind of tired of being pregnant! My body is getting more tired and grieved with aches. Not to mention the whole "pregnancy brain" memory loss is getting worse by the day as well! I look in the mirror and just want to cry because I don't feel or look like myself anymore. I am swollen; my face just looks so big. My mom said I look more like a woman now because I am not so skinny; my sister says you can't even tell I have gained weight. Either way, I don't like it. I want to be able to smile and be able to see my eyes just not little slit holes. There are so many things I miss being able to do. I miss being able to do something as simple as bending over to tie my shoes or pick something off of the floor. I miss being able to fit into my clothes and shoes; I miss wearing my high heels! I miss being able to cuddle with to Paedn. I miss exercising!! I am grateful I have been able to coach volleyball this season again but not being able to play during practice has been difficult on me. All of these things affect my confidence. I just miss being able to be myself, to feel like myself. I am sure many of you can relate. But no matter what, no matter  how depressed I feel now, I know it is worth it. I know I will be able to fix everything in a few months. It is just knowing that the end is near but not being able to see the exact day is making me antsy! I have loved being pregnant!!! I love it. I am just tired now. Can you blame me? It's been nine months! Nine months of not being able to control my weight and everything else to comes along with pregnancy. It is driving me bonkers!!


Update on Paedn
It has been about 3 1/2 weeks since Paedn's health scare. We still do not know what has happened. He finally got the MRI and EEG done but we have not heard results. I am going to be calling in the next few days to see if I can find anything out. These past 3 1/2 weeks have been the most trying but they have brought Paedn and I closer together. We are best friends. We have always been able to communicate well and to enjoy one another's company. But, I think I was taking that for granted. I was taking a lot of things for granted. A little over a month ago, I started recognizing that I felt too content with life. I talked to Paedn about this. I asked him to challenge me. I wanted him to help me study the scriptures and strengthen my testimony. I felt like I had just plateaued- I wasn't going downhill, but I wasn't increasing either and it was bothering me. After talking with Paedn, I prayed. I prayed with a heart full of gratitude for how beautiful my life was going. Paedn and I both have wonderful jobs. We had our health. We had Lorelei's health and knew she was growing well. We were happy to even be able to have a baby! Everything was just going smoothly. We were grateful. But, in my prayer I asked to be given a challenge. I prayed for a challenge that would strengthen both Paedn and I as a couple and also challenge my faith so it would be strengthened. Somethings are like a muscle, they have to be torn to be able to grown back stronger, right? I told Him that I knew we could handle it. I was ready for something to be thrown our way. I kind of chuckled at myself after saying the prayer because I thought, well, we are having a baby soon and that will be a new challenge for us to work with. But, the Lord truly hears and answers our prayers. Not even a month later, Paedn and I were thrown for a loop. The Lord threw something at us that we were not expecting, something I never really thought possible. How could Paedn, at the age of 24, have a stroke? It just does not seem possible. It just does not happen! But, it happened. I felt guilty. I felt like it was all my fault because I prayed for something to challenge us. Now, we are learning something new every single day. Our love for one another has been renewed; we no longer take for granted the comfort of having someone to come home to.  I could have lost him. That thought scares me beyond belief. Paedn is strong, he is stronger than I could ever be. He has made strides of improvement in just a short amount of time. His memory is 95% back. His speech is getting quicker by the day. Even thought he still doesn't sound like himself, he is there and is becoming more vocal. Insomnia is a big thing we are trying to figure out at the moment. If he doesn't get sleep then the memory or speech are not nearly as good as they could be. At times, it is still discouraging. I just want to be able to hear my husband's voice again. I want to hear him sing!! He tried his hardest Easter Sunday to sing the hymns. He was able to get out the last word of each verse. I cried through the whole song. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. I am so grateful for my husband and the lessons he is teaching me. I am proud I get to call him mine. I am proud that he is going to be the father that my children get to look up to.
What a beautiful life we still have!